Parent-Adolescent Conflicts

Parent-adolescent conflict begins during early adolescences. The conflict involves conflict about everyday events of family life like: cleaning bedroom, dressing neatly, curfews, and telephone use. The conflict between parents and adolescents last throughout high school years, and usually lessens between 17 and 20 years of age.

Conflict between parents and adolescents is caused by the child trying to establish a sense of independence between them and their parents. There are three different ways to create conflict between the parent and adolescent, separation, differentiation, and opposition. First, separation is the process of pulling away from parents and family to create one's own independent social world of friends and to establish more privacy from parents. During the separation phase conflicts arise over the child's reduced involvement with family, over increased activities with peers, and over how much personal information parents have a right to know. Second, differentiation is the process of experimenting with one's own individuality. Conflicts arise during differentiation over not fitting in well with the family, over assuming identities that parents are not familiar with, and over appearing and acting differently than what parents want. Third, opposition is the process of actively and passively challenging parental authority in an effort to become more self-determined. Conflict start in opposition due to disagreeing with parental demands, delayed response to parental response, and disobeying parental rules.

Even though parent-adolescent conflicts are stressful, they can sever as a positive developmental function. The disputes and negotiations facilitate the adolescent's transition from being dependent on parents to becoming and autonomous individual. Also, adolescents that are involved in disagreements with the parents are more likely to explore identity development. If both parents and adolescents realize that the conflict and negotiation can serve as a positive developmental function can tone down the hostility.

My opinion:

I think in most cases it is hard for the parents to understand and realize that their child is growing up. But it is also hard for the child to realize that they are not completely ready to be independent from their parents. For example, a good friend of mine is currently struggling with her 13 year old son. They are constantly arguing over whether or not he has to take a shower that day, did he clean his room, or if he is old enough to do everything his friends are doing. I know that she has the best interest of her child at heart, but he needs to be able to make decisions on his own. He will never realize the consequences of his actions if he doesn't make his own decisions. On the other hand, he needs to realize that at 13 years old he is not old enough to be completely dependent of his parents, and they are only there to help him.

What do you think?

Sources:

Parent/adolescent conflict -- fighting to communicate. | Psychology Today. (n.d.). Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist. Retrieved July 12, 2010, from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/200908/parentadolescent-conflict-fighting-communicate

Santrock, J. W. (2008). Life-Span Development (12 ed.). New York City: McGraw-Hill Humanities/Social Sciences/Languages.