Children from Divorced Families

40% of children born to married parents in the United States will experience their parents’ divorce. Today there are approximately 20 million children that are living in single parent homes. Children in divorced families are more likely than children in non-divorced families to have academic problems, to show externalized and internalized problems, to be less socially responsible, to have less competent intimate relationships, to drop out of school, to become sexually active at an early age, to take drugs, to associate with antisocial peers, to have low self-esteem, and to be less securely attached as young adults. Also, children from divorced families show poorer adjustment than their counterparts in non-divorced families.

Divorce can cause developmental issues in children. Development refers to that “unfolding” of a child’s physical growth, behavior, and personality. A child is constantly developing. Not only are the changing physically and emotionally, but they change the way they think and communicate. A child develops within the context of their family. The family is where a child’s basic needs are met, emotional bonds are formed, and learning begins. Therefore any event affecting the family, will have an effect on the child.

The following are example of how divorce affects children in different ways depending on their age:

Preschool (ages 3-5): Preschool aged children are likely to regress in their most recent developmental milestones. Also, the can suffer from sleep disturbances. As well they develop a fear of separation and abandonment. In some cases the child may become more aggressive or develop a fear of being hurt.

· Early latency (ages 6-8): Children aged 6 to 8 are more likely to openly grieve for the departed parent. Their school work could suffer because of the grief. In addition they develop a sense of fear and anger. They are still scared of being abandoned, and can direct their anger at the custodial parent. Also, they are wishing for reconciliation between their parents.

· Late latency (ages 8-11): The biggest issue with children ages 8-11 is anger and a feeling of powerlessness. Also they tend to develop a loyalty conflict and will begin to label their parent’s as “good” parent and “bad” parent. Lastly, this age group will try to take care of their parents and let their friendships start to deteriorate because of their focus on their family.

· Adolescence (ages 12-18): Adolescents usually respond with acute depression, suicidal ideation, and sometimes violent acting out episodes. They tend to often judge their parents’ decisions and actions. Many adolescents become anxious and fearful about their own future love and marital relationships.

My opinion:

I believe that the child’s reaction to the divorce depends on the reaction from the parents, as well as how open the parents are about the situation. My parents divorced the summer before I started third grade. I was eight years old that summer. I remember the day my dad told me he was moving out. At the time I did not really think much about it, my reaction was to ask who planned on taking me to swim lessons. I remember my mom being really upset, and I cannot say that I was trying to be strong for her. I think more than anything I just wanted to try my hardest not to cause her anymore hurt, so I wanted to be on my best behavior. My parents were very upfront and honest about the reason for their divorce, and I think that made the biggest difference in me being able to adjust to the divorce. I remember my mom being extremely worried about the divorce affecting my grades. Before the school year started she went to talk to my homeroom teacher, and explain the situation. Not one time did my grades drop that year or any year after that. I did have a lot of anger. Not as much towards my parents as I did towards my Dad’s girlfriend. At one point I wrote her a letter telling her how much I hated her. I think had my parent’s not be as open about the entire situation and process it would have had a bigger effect on me.

What do you think?

Sources:

Divorce effects on children. (n.d.). Child Advocate - Helping Parents and Professionals. Retrieved July 9, 2010, from http://www.childadvocate.net/divorce_effects_on_children.htm

Effects of Divorce on Children - KidsGrowth. (n.d.). Welcome to Kids Growth , for pediatric professionals, parents, and teens.. Retrieved July 9, 2010, from http://www.kidsgrowth.com/resources/articledetail.cfm?id=1153

Gray, B. (2001, May. - Jun.). Supporting Children and Families in Times of Stress. Texas Child Care, 26. Retrieved July 8, 2010, from http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Documents/Child_Care/Child_Care_Solutions/TCCSeparationDivorce.pdf

Santrock, J. W. (2008). Life-Span Development (12 ed.). New York City: McGraw-Hill Humanities/Social Sciences/Languages.